Teacher: "Recite you tables to me, Jon."
Jon: "Dining room table, kitchen room table, bedside table.......
Science Teacher: "Can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity, Jane?"
Jane: Why, er..."
Science Teacher: "Wire is correct."
What's the difference a bus driver and a cold in the head?
A bus driver knows all the stops, and a cold in the head stops the nose.
"Doctor, doctor, my left leg is giving me a lot of pain."
"I expect that's old age." "But my right is as old, and that doesn't hurt me at all!"
Vicky: "Where have mother and father gone?"
Nicky: " They have gone do their work. They are in ironing and steel business. My Mom does the ironing and he does the stealing."
"What's best place to find diamonds?"
"In a pack of cards."
Patient: "Doctor, doctor, my son's just swallowed some gunpowder!"
Doctor: "Well, don't point him at me."
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!" he walked. "What seems to be the trouble? " asked the doctor. "I keep having the same dream, night after night. There's this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open." "What does the sign on the door say?" asked the doctor. "PULL," said the patient.
A sardar spent an evening with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, terrific storm started with thunder, lightning, and torrential rain.
"You can't go home in this," said the host., " you 'd better stay the night." "That's very kind of you," said the man, " I'll just pop home and get my pajamas."
There was a fat cat on a mat
Who liked to chase mice named pat.
He chased them around
And fell on the ground
And smashed them until they were flat!